


Little Talks

by tnh1722



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anxious Alec Lightwood, Caring Magnus Bane, Discussions and Descriptions of Anxiety, Domestic Fluff Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tired Alec Lightwood, communication is key
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:22:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23810767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tnh1722/pseuds/tnh1722
Summary: After a long week, all Alec’s family wants to do is spend the night out together. All Alec wants to do is stay home. With a persuasive husband and sister, it doesn’t take long for Alec to end up at Pandemonium. Magnus intervenes when the club proves to be too overwhelming just like the wonderful husband he is.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 15
Kudos: 175





	Little Talks

**Author's Note:**

> Anxiety is a focus for the majority of the story. Please be careful reading and take care of yourselves!

After hours of convincing from his husband and sister, Alec was getting ready to go out to Pandemonium with everyone on a Saturday night. He had tried every excuse he could think of to stay home and relax after what he would consider an eventful week. He truly did want to go spend time with his family, but the thought of going to the club was exhausting. He hated the crowds and blaring music; he hated the whispers between judgmental people about him and Magnus.

Jace had convinced Alec to come to New York for two nights that week to fill in on short-handed patrols right after an emotionally-trying, three-day-long council meeting. Both those patrols had resulted in differing injuries for the parabatai and lengthy reports for Isabelle who voiced her frustration loudly to her brother. All of that on top of his regular Inquistor schedule had left Alec exhausted with no desire to go out to a nightclub, but Magnus and Isabelle are incredibly persuasive. 

Alec walked into the kitchen after changing clothes to find Magnus waiting for him. “Are we portalling to the Institute or meeting everyone at the club?” Alec asked while looking down at the sleeve he was rolling up. His tone was disinterested and low.

Magnus crossed the room and put his arms around Alec’s waist. “Darling, please don’t be upset with me. We just rarely get time for all of us to get together casually and I wouldn’t be able to completely enjoy the night without you there. We don’t have to stay long, I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec mumbled into Magnus’ shoulder while returning the embrace. “I’m not upset with you. This week has just been hell and I’m not good at things like this. I don’t look the part or fit in like the rest of you do, but I promise I will try tonight, for you. It just makes me feel so…anxious, I guess.” 

Magnus ran one of his hands comfortingly up and down Alec’s back with a smile on his face. He brushed a kiss onto the corner of Alec’s mouth. 

“Thank you for being honest with me, love. I know that type of admission is still difficult for you, but Alexander, you severely underestimate yourself. I know the idea of you “fitting in” as you put it is difficult for you to wrap your mind around, but you are such a people person without trying. You are kind, receptive and, dare I say, attractive,” Magnus replied with a wink at the end of his statement making Alec blush. 

Magnus leaned up and pressed another kiss to Alec’s cheek. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or forced so if you feel like staying home, I would understand. I know that your sister and I have been quite intense in our efforts this week, but you shouldn’t force yourself if you feel unsteady, darling. The last thing I want is for you to struggle through the whole night for my sake.”

Alec gave Magnus a genuine smile and pulled them closer for a full kiss. “Thank you, you always know what to say. It’s not that I don’t want to be there because I do. I was just struggling with myself and my confidence for this sort of thing. It...I think...I…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere,” Magnus responded softly as he gave Alec an encouraging squeeze to find the words. 

Alec nodded and offered a smile while collecting his thoughts. “I feel like the two places we get the most judgment as a couple are Clave meetings and Pandemonium. This week with the Clave has already been so hard and the thought of having more judgmental stares and too-loud-to-be-whisper comments tonight makes me more tired and anxious than I already am. It’s not like I take any of it to heart anymore, but the idea of it being our normal makes me hate going to the club. Plus everything is so loud and it gets overwhelming,” Alec explained, letting out a deep breath as he finished his statement. 

Magnus looked at Alec with sympathy and nodded. “I understand, but we will get through to a much better time. You are making sure of that everyday, darling. If it gets too overwhelming, we can always leave.”

Alec blushed again and tightened their embrace before taking a step back but keeping Magnus’ hand in his own. “Okay, well, let’s go then. I’m sure everyone is waiting on us.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” Magnus asked one last time, giving Alec the chance to back out. 

“I promise that I want to spend time with everyone. I’m sure everything will be fine,” Alec answered, making Magnus nod and smile in return. Magnus waved open a portal and intertwined his fingers with Alec before leading them through,

\---

Isabelle immediately recognized her brother walking through the back entrance of Pandemonium, towering over most of the guests between them. She smiled and started making her way towards them when she stopped abruptly, noticing the tension in his face and Magnus whispering something to him very privately. 

“Let’s just get to the VIP area and I’ll be fine,” Alec said quietly to Magnus as he continued on without stopping. 

Magnus took a few quick steps to catch up and put himself in front of Alec’s body. “Darling, we do not have to stay. I promise you, no one will be upset if you aren’t feeling well. I just need you to tell me how you are really feeling. You don’t have to sugarcoat it,” Magnus said firmly with his hands resting on Alec’s biceps. He had noticed a slight shake in his husband’s hands as soon as they stepped through the portal so he ran his hands gently down to intertwine their fingers. 

“Magnus, you guys wanted me to be here so I’m here. I’ll be fine once I’m in our own area. Let’s just go,” Alec replied strongly but kept his hands in Magnus’ hold.

Turning their direction towards the office upstairs, Magnus guided them away from the large crowd quickly. He looked around and noticed Isabelle and Jace watching them with concerned expressions. Magnus waved them off as subtly as possible and pressed on without stopping. Once they were in the office, Magnus closed the door behind them and warded the room which kept the noise out and the location private. 

Magnus watched as Alec seemed slightly relieved by the silence and led Alec to the couch while he sat himself on the coffee table in front of his husband. “Alexander, this is not how we do things. We do not keep things from each other anymore and we just had a good conversation at home. We talk to each other and right now, you are shutting me out. You promised to never do that and you keep your promises. Please just be honest with me.” 

Alec sighed and let his head hang to his chest. He started to wring his hands together where they rested on his legs. Magnus took Alec’s hands into his own and gently massaged his palms with his thumbs. “I just…I thought I would have fixed this by now or be able to push through. It was immediate when we stepped out of the portal.” 

Magnus squeezed Alec’s hands and made a confused noise. “Fixed, what do you need to fix?”

“I don’t know. Me, my anxiety, my ridiculous irrational hatred of social crowds. I mean, I’m the damn Inquistor, my family lives for parties, and my husband is the definition of the perfect social butterfly, but here I am, on the verge of a panic attack because we are at a club...the club you own at that,” Alec rambled, his voice getting more and more frantic. 

“Oh darling, you do not need to be fixed. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are, especially to me,” Magnus answered softly as he leaned closer, ending the sentence with a kiss to Alec’s forehead. “We do need to pause this conversation though. Are you still feeling panicked? What can I do?” 

“I’m feeling a little better. The quiet is helping, less overwhelmed. And you, you always help,” Alec said with a shy tone with his head still tucked down. His breathing was clearly measured and Magnus noticed the breathing pattern was one they both used after nightmares. 

Magnus started to slowly move his thumbs from Alec’s palms down to his pulse points on his wrists. The focus on heartbeats was always something that calmed both of them, knowing the other was present and safe. He let the room fall silent aside from their patterned breathing. 

After five minutes of almost meditative breathing, Alec broke the silence that Magnus was giving him. “I’m good, it’s easier to breathe now,” he whispered, afraid to be too loud as his head still felt sensitive. 

“Do you think you could handle a portal right now?” Magnus asked, equally as quiet and still massaging Alec’s wrists. 

Alec groaned and dropped his head back down. “I...will you...you can-“

“Hey, it’s okay. If you aren’t ready to move yet, then we won’t. Don’t rush yourself,” Magnus immediately said, cutting Alec off from his struggling ramble. 

“No, it’s not that. I just...you can stay and I’ll just go home and sleep. It’s not fair that you have to leave when you wanted to come here tonight. I mean, you planned all this; I don’t want to ruin your night just because I’m being, I don’t know, dramatic,” Alec responded, deliberately not making eye contact.

Magnus lifted Alec’s head so he was forced to look at him. “First of all, you never ruin anything for me. Any time spent with you is time well spent. Secondly, one of the many things we have in common is not wanting to be alone when we feel unwell. We always care for each other and I’m not going to stop now. Lastly, anxiety is not dramatic. Anxiety is out of your control and painful and real. I would do anything to make sure you didn’t have to feel it anymore and I know you would do the same for me. That is why I would never send you home alone and neither would you,” Magnus declared as he held Alec’s hands tightly in his own. He started to get a bit emotional which was reflected in his husband’s face. 

Alec nodded slightly in agreement and leaned forward into Magnus’s chest. “Thank you,” he whispered into Magnus’ shoulder and let some of the tension release from his own shoulders. 

“Of course, Alexander. Ready to go home then?” Magnus replied as he ran his hands up and down Alec’s back. 

“We should probably tell the others that we are leaving,” Alec said, his tension rising back up with the idea of not only going back out into the club but also telling their friends and family about what’s going on. 

Magnus shook his head as he helped Alec rise from the couch. “I’ll just text them. I don’t want you going back out there when you are feeling this way.”

Alec just nodded again and allowed himself to be led through a portal that he didn’t even realize was open. Magnus pulled him into their bedroom and led Alec straight to the bed, motioning for him to sit down. Alec let the tight pressure in his chest finally ease as he grounded himself with the smells and sounds of their home rather than the rowdy nightclub.

Alec looked up at Magnus, watching his husband remove his makeup and jewelry efficiently while turning down the bed with the flick of his wrist. Another minute passed of Magnus hurriedly going through his night routine before Alec spoke. “I love you, Magnus, like so fucking much.”

Magnus threw his head back laughing at the blunt declaration finally making Alec crack a smile. “As I love you, Alexander. Now, you find one of those silly mundane programs about the supernatural while I build a snack stockpile,” Magnus responded as he turned toward the kitchen. 

The smile seemed to be glued to Alec’s face and the anxiety was finally lingering in the farthest part of his mind. Still there but more manageable than ever. He pulled up a show and waited for Magnus to return with an armful of all their junk food hidden away in the pantry. He dumped it onto the foot of the bed before crawling in next to Alec. “So, what are we watching?”

“It’s called Teen Wolf. Ever heard of it?” Alec answered as he started the first episode. 

“I haven’t actually, but I can’t wait to share our findings with Maia the next time we see her,” Magnus answered making them both chuckle as he snuggled in close and offered the bag of M&Ms to Alec. 

They watched about 20 minutes of the first episode before Alec shifted and looked up at Magnus from where he was laying on his chest. “I know I’ve already said it a few times tonight, but thank you. Seriously, for talking about it and taking care of me.”

Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec softly. “Of course, darling, always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, friends, it’s been awhile. This crazy time in the world has finally allowed me to sit back down with my long list of story ideas. I’ve missed writing so much.


End file.
